Battle of the Boyfriends

Battle of the Boyfriends is a fan made episode written by Rigsrigsrigs10918 and CartoonLover.

Premise
Pupnick visits the puppy pound and Igor tries his best not to be jealous.

Part One
(At the Pound's yard, Bright Eyes and Igor are looking at the clouds.)

Igor: This sure is a beautiful day, isn't it, Princess?

Bright Eyes: It sure is, Iggy.

(Igor looks at a cloud. Up in the sky, there is a cloud that looks like Cooler.)

Igor: Hey, look! It's Coolidge in cloud form!

Bright Eyes: Golly gee!

(They then hear Russian dance music.)

Igor: Where's that background music coming from? It's kinda catchy.

Voice: Hey!

Bright Eyes: Oh! I recognize that voice and that background music!

(Bright Eyes sits up and turns around. She then sees Pupnick, who is now wearing a black shirt and black pants, dancing. Pupnick's dancing attracts several puppies.)

Pupnick: Hey!

Bright Eyes: (Amazed) It's Pupnick!

(Igor sits up.)

Igor: Who?

Bright Eyes: Pupnick. He's my old friend.

Igor: Old.... friend?

(Bright Eyes walks up to Pupnick. Pupnick has finished dancing and the puppies applaud. Pupnick notices Bright Eyes.)

Pupnick: Ah, Bright Eyeballs! It's so good to see you again. It's been so long.

(Igor sadly lowers his head.)

Igor: I.... wasn't told this pup was your first love. I know when I'm not wanted.

(Igor sadly walks off to his pup house.)

Bright Eyes: Iggy...

Pupnick: Iggy? Who is this Iggy?

Bright Eyes: Oh, you see, Iggy's one of the new Pound Puppies. He's a prankster hailing from Hungary.

Pupnick: Hungary?

Bright Eyes: Don't tell me you're jealous too.

Pupnick: Me? Oh no. I'm not jealous. Whatever gave you that idea?

Bright Eyes: Well, Iggy's not the jealous type. He says it's a bad thing.

Pupnick: Oh. I see. What kind of pranks?

(Inside Igor's doghouse, Igor is washing his face.)

Igor: (Looking in his mirror) Okay, Ignatius. Get it together. You're not the jealous type. Just because she has an old friend visiting, that doesn't mean that she's currently dating him. Maybe I should go back outside and apologize.

(Igor goes back outside and walks up to Bright Eyes and Pupnick.)

Igor: I'm sorry for what I said. So, Princess, where does, uh... What's-his-name hail from?

Bright Eyes: Actually, Pupnick once lived in-- His name's Pupnick by the way. ...Once lived in Mongrowlia.

Igor: Oh! I've been there one time. Mongrowlia is famous for its landmarks.

Pupnick: Thus, I decided to live here in America. And to be honest with you, I love living here in this country. The owners that I live where are very kind to me.

Bright Eyes: In addition, he and Cooler once saved the world from the canine criminal known as Clawfinger.

Igor: Really?

Pupnick: It's true. I've heard you're quite a prankstar.

Igor: Well, yes. But, my pranks are harmless. Here's an example. (Shakes Pupnick's hand but Iggy shocks Himself.) Yow!

Pupnick: Wha-- I didn't arm myself with a hand buzzer.

Igor: Of course not, Sputnik.

(Igor shows Pupnick his self-shock hand buzzer.)

Pupnick: a Self-Shock hand-buzzer? (Stifles his snickering.)

(Igor and Bright Eyes laugh. Pupnick laughs too.)

Pupnick: Say, that's a good one!

Igor: Of course, when someone tries to hurt my friends, I use my pranks against the bad guys.

Pupnick: Did I ever tell you how good of a dancer I am?

Igor: Well, I can't dance well, but I don't mind any of Princess' friends being a better dancer than me.

(The rest of the Pound Puppies enter with instruments.)

Pupnick: Hit it, maestro!

(As the rest of the Pound Puppies play to the tune of Brahms' "Hungarian Dance No. 5", Pupnick dances. Igor dances as well, trying to follow Pupnick's moves. A crowd of puppies gather around, watching the two dance. Bright Eyes sits on the grass and watches. About half-way through the song, Igor starts to get tired.)

Igor: (Thinking) I don't see how this guy does it.

(After the song ends, Pupnick finishes dancing and Igor is tired out from dancing. He then sits down as the crowd applauds.)

Pupnick: What do you think, Iggy?

Igor: I gotta hand it to you, Padraic. You sure danced up a storm.

Pupnick: I appreciate-- Padraic?

Igor: Sorry. I'm not very good at remembering everybody's names.

Pupnick: That's okay, Iggy.

Igor: Have you ever been to Hungary?

Pupnick: Oh, I've been to Hungary a few times. I enjoy going to Budapest the most, especially their castles and mansions.

Igor: Oh, that's good to hear. I've a lot about Mongrowlia. You have some pretty cool castles there. Can you give me a tour there sometime?

Pupnick: Yes.

Igor: What do you usually eat when you were in Mongrowlia?

Pupnick: Let me see... Well, we eat tomato soup with a side of apple slices.

Igor: Mmm. That sounds delicious.

Pupnick: You bet it is.

Igor: How is life doing for you, Padraic?

Pupnick: Very good, Igor. Life here in America is much better than in Mongrowlia-- and it's Pupnick, by the way. however, I'm thinking... (The screen becomes wavy to become a blank canvas as a badly drawn Pupnick and Igor is drawn.) perhaps I go to a restaurant, and You paying for My meal as You prank Me. like... some foam string covering Me? (the badly-drawn Pupnick gets covered in green string.)

Badly-Drawn Igor: We Got You! (The Canvas disappear as We return to the real world.)

Pupnick: You get My drift?

Igor: Yipe! (Hides behind Bright Eyes.)

Pupnick: Was it something I said?

Igor: Well, You were glaring at me...

Pupnick: Or then again... (The Screen becomes wavy and the scenery becomes something from an Australian Movie.) I go to a Fishing Spot, I try to catch a fish, and then... (a Big Shark scares Pupnick as Igor comes out of the mouth.)

False Igor: I got You! (The Scenery disappears.)

Pupnick: Something like that, right?

Igor: Yipe! (Shudders behind Bright Eyes.)

Bright Eyes: Um, Pupnick...

Pupnick: however... (The Screen becomes wavy and Pupnick is seen at a graveyard.) I'm at a Cemetary, and I come to visit My Great-Grandfather, and then... (a few Paws grabs Pupnick's ankle, making Him run in fright.)

False Igor and Zombies: We got You...!

Pupnick: Well...?

Igor: Yipe! (Cowers behind Bright Eyes.)

Pupnick: Or how about...?

Igor: ENOUGH! I'm not that kind of jokester. I mostly do harmless pranks. on Earth's stupidest Jokesters. If I did mean pranks, I'd have this personality. ahem. (Crazed Voice) Ha ha ha ha ha! Hello, Pawns! I am Me, Dr. Joke! I have hijacked the Airwaves for one reason only. To Prank the World! and I've enlisted some of My emissaries to do my bidding. excuse Me. (goes into His Puphouse, and is dressed as a realistic Velociraptor.) Dinosaurs causing calamity in a Restaurant! (goes back inside and is dressed like a ninja.) The master of te hidden foam string. (sprays string upward, goes back and is dressed as a karate master.) and a hoax that can be painful to the hand. (tries to karate chop a wood block, but breaks His paw.) Ouch! (cries and goes back inside and comes out in a scary costume.) and an endless nightmare. but who cares...?

(Igor removes his costume.)

Igor: I am Igor Strayvinski and I think you just went and hurt my feelings.

(Igor goes into his doghouse. He then lies on his bed.)

Igor: To heck with the non-jealous nonsense. I'll win back Princess whether Padraic likes it or not!

Part Two
(A while later, Igor is looking out the window. He sees Pupnick dancing before a crowd. Igor has a disgusted look on his face.)

Igor: Look at that jerk. (Shaking his head) A Grade-A show-off with that dirt-eating grin and that goofy, hoarse, screechy-voice. With that oh-so-perfect dancing and those lesser sombrero clothes. Wait, I meant to say tacky clothes. I'll bet he's going to take away Princess. What a jerk he must be.

(Igor then sits down and rests his feet on the desk.)

Igor: I can see it now. That Padriac taking Princess on a trip to some far away country, leaving me high and dry like laundry. That's what he's trying to do.

(Igor then grabs a pencil with his toes.)

Igor: But I'll show him! I'll just stay in my puphouse until Padraic leaves the pound for good.

Pupnick: That's Pupnick.

Igor: Right. Whatever.... Wha--?! (yelps and falls down.) How long were you listening?!

Pupnick: Well, I could hear you yelling from afar. And why do you have a pencil in between your toes?

Igor: I.... I was going to draw something. (Pointing at Pupnick with his foot) 16 answers, 11 associate with the category, 5 do not.

Pupnick: Okay... I'm gonna go back to dancing. See you later.

(Pupnick leaves. Igor then sits back up and rests his feet on the desk while putting the pencil in between his toes.)

Igor: Like I said, I'm staying in here until he leaves. Besides, I'll bet he won't stay long here.

(Reflex is seen by Igor's window.)

Reflex: Hey, Iggy. What are you doing?

Igor: Oh. Hello, Remix. I'm just kicking back and relaxing.

Reflex: Oh. Then, why do you have a pencil in between your toes?

Igor: I was going to draw something.

Reflex: Another idea for a prank?

Igor: Well... maybe....

Reflex: Say, Holly's going to take us for a walk in the park. Do you wanna come?

Igor: I suppose.

Reflex: Cool! Be ready in four minutes, okay?

Igor: I will.

(Reflex leaves. Igor looks at Pupnick, who is talking to Bright Eyes outside. In anger, Igor throws the pencil with his foot like a dart at the window.)

Igor: As long as HE'S not going.

(Igor gets up and puts on his glasses and some headphones and leaves his puphouse.)

Igor: He makes me so mad.

(Later, Holly, Tuffy and the Pound Puppies are at the park.)

Bright Eyes: The weather sure is nice today.

Igor: It sure is. (activates his headphones as he sings.)

Bright Eyes: What song are you listening to, Iggy?

Igor: Thank You for asking. (removes his headphones and places them on Bright Eyes' head.)

Bright Eyes: Ohh! Todd Ruffgren and Paradise's Love is the Answer. Good song.

Beamer: Oh, I love that song! It brings tears to my eyes whenever I listen to it. That and Arf Garfunkel's song.

Nose Marie: Well, that sounds interesting.

Igor: I appreciate your honesty.

Beamer: Iggy, maybe you should get me a CD of that song for my birthday.

Igor: Okay. Now, Padraic, after our walk, How do You feel about a card game? Winner will have Princess as His Fiancee. We'll each have 20 hit points, and every card will vary on damage. who ever get His opponent's hit points to Zero wins.

Pupnick: Fiancee?

Bright Eyes: Fiancee?

Beamer: (Shocked) Fiancee?! Igor Strayvinski, are you bananas?! You're too young for marriage!

Igor: But, I'm not too young to plan my future, Bounce.

Beamer: Oh. My apologies. I thought that you were talking getting married at a young age. Of course, you have to be 12 dog years old to get married.

Pupnick: Now, what kind of card game do you call it?

Whopper: Yeah.

Igor: Well... This should be apparent to you, Whammy. This will be like a card game, 16 cards, 12 contain damage to your opponent, and three does damage to he picker. and one is the dreaded reshuffle.

Whopper: Is it called Fighting Goldfish?

Igor: Nope. You'd have to pick a card, the higher the number, the bigger the damage to Your opponent's hit points.

Whopper: Oh. I'm sorry, Iggy. I'm new to that game.

Beamer: Are you sure you want to do it, Iggy?

Igor: Yes. Yes, I am. (Thinking) No second-rate show-off from Mongrowlia is going to take my sweetheart away. (Aloud) All right, Padriac, is it a deal?

Pupnick: Well... I don't know...

Igor: Take as much time as you want. You're also free to turn down the challenge.

Pupnick: Thank you, Iggy. I'll let you know when I'm ready.

Igor: Of course. I'll be outside my Puphouse, waiting for you.

Pupnick: Okay.

Igor: (Narrating out loud) Three hours passed, and I began to think about the fact if Princess really cared about Padraic.

Pupnick: (Looking at Igor awkwardly) Umm... What are you doing?

Igor: Um... You didn't hear anything.

(B​ack at Holly's Puppy Pound, Igor is waiting for Pupnick.)

Igor: Three hours and no luck.

(Pupnick enters.)

Pupnick: Igor? I made my decision. I... I don't know if I want to battle you.

Igor: What do you mean?

Pupnick: Well, I think you're jealous of me.

Igor: Jealous? Me? No. Never. I don't want to be jealous. since I wasn't told that you knew Princess. (Thinking) Of course I'm jealous.

Pupnick: Who?

(Igor whaps His face.)

Bright Eyes: (To Pupnick) He's referring to me.

(Bright Eyes enters.)

Pupnick: Come now, Igor. Admit that you are jealous that Bright Eyeballs met me first. Admit it.

Igor: You're really egging me on, Panic....

Pupnick: That's Pupnick to you, buddy! Say it! Say that you're jealous of me!

Igor: Do not shout at me! I'm sensitive!

Pupnick: I'll shout all I want! I know darn well that you're wild about Bright Eyeballs.

(Beamer, wearing a yoga outfit, enters.)

Beamer: Pupnick, stop shouting! I can here you from my doghouse. Igor, please control yourself. I know you're not the jealous type. Nobody thinks you're the jealous type. In fact, we all know that you're a cute, considerate and pure-hearted puppy.

Igor: Thank you, Bounce.

Pupnick: I beg to differ.

Igor: That does it! You want a fight? You got it!

Pupnick: It's on!

(Pupnick lunges at Igor, but Beamer tries to push them away, as Igor and Pupnick continues to flail.)

Beamer: (Screaming) STOP IT! BOTH OF YOU!

(Igor and Pupnick stop and turn to Beamer.)

Igor: (with Pupnick) Stay out of this, Bounce!

Pupnick: (with Igor) Stay out of this, Beamer!

(Beamer sheds some tears starting to cry. Cooler, Tuffy, Holly and the other Pound Puppies enter.)

Cooler: What's going on?

Igor: Ah, Coolidge. Good Timing. Tell Pie-face to stop His endless Bantering.

Pupnick: Get Igor to admit he's jealous!

Beamer: This is highly unlike you two! You're tearing this pound apart!

(Igor goes back to his doghouse and slams the door three times.)

Bright Eyes: Golly gee. I never saw Iggy that furious.

(Colette comforts Beamer.)

Colette: Please don't cry, Beamer.

Beamer: I'll... cope. (To Pupnick) Pupnick, ever since you left the pound, what happened afterward?

Pupnick: Well, I have been living comfortably with my family. So, with my owners' permission, I thought I stop by and visit Bright Eyeballs. I didn't take that Igor would be extremely jealous of me. Bright Eyeballs, is it true that Igor loves you?

(Bright Eyes says nothing.)

Colette: I think Bright Eyes needs some alone time...

(All except Bright Eyes leave. Bright Eyes sits down.)

Bright Eyes: Golly gee... Poor Iggy... He sure is scary when He's angry.

​Part Three
(Igor is in his bedroom.)

Igor: That Sputnik is such a jerk! How dare he tried to move in on Princess!

(Outside, Pupnick listens in, and feels depressed.)

Pupnick: Hmmm... Maybe Bright Eyeballs and I aren't meant to be... I think I better apologize to Iggy.

(Back inside Igor's puphouse, Igor is juggling a ball of yarn with his feet.)

Igor: (Thinking) On second thought,  maybe I have been acting like an idiot. I should go apologize to Potato Salad.

Pupnick: Hello, Igor?

(Pupnick knocks on Igor's Puphouse Door.)

Igor: Come on in, Pullback. I feel better now.

Pupnick: Um.... sure, Iggy.

(Pupnick comes inside. Igor lies down on his bed.)

Igor: Let's talk.... Have a seat.

(Pupnick sits next to Igor.)

Pupnick: Iggy, I was thinking... Bright Eyeballs and I aren't made for each other. You can have her... (Sadly) I don't deserve her... you do.

(Pupnick sheds tears.)

Pupnick: Sometimes I wonder why I even bother coming to those pound. Goodbye.... forever.... Igor Strayvinski. Have a happy wedding, Iggy.

(Pupnick was about to leave.)

Igor: Wait, Poppycock.

(Pupnick stops.)

Pupnick: What is it this time, Iggy?

Igor: I want to talk to you some more.

Pupnick: All.... all right.... let's talk.

(Pupnick sits next to Igor.)

Pupnick: Well? What do you want, Iggy? It's about Bright Eyeballs, right?

Igor: Well... yes. Yes, it is.

Pupnick: Oh. I see.... You do love her, am I right?

Igor: Yes. Yes, you are.

Pupnick: Oh. I'm sorry, Iggy. I didn't know....

Igor: That's okay, Push-Shove. You fell in love with her first.

Pupnick: Iggy...

Igor: Furthermore, promise you won't tell anyone, but I've a cat's heart.... literally.

Pupnick: A cat's heart....? That sounds incredible, but it's biologically impossible.

Igor: Well, maybe I should show you.

(Igor shows an x-ray picture of himself with a cat's heart.)

Pupnick: Ooh. I see.

(Pupnick faints.)

Igor: Plushy? Are you okay? Plastic? I better wake him up.

(Igor tries to wake Pupnick up.)

Igor: Hmmm....

(Igor sets Pupnick on the bed.)

Igor: I'll go wake him up with the smelling salt.

(Igor uses the smelling salt to wake Pupnick, which wakes Him up in a comedic way.)

Pupnick: YUCK! something smells like Rotten Fishheads mixed with Stale Squash!

Igor: Extravagant! You're awake.

Pupnick: Igor, are you sure that you actually have a cat's heart?

Igor: Well, I can't be all that sure. but, only Princess knew.

Pupnick: Bright Eyeballs knew about it?!

Igor: Yes. I entrusted My secret to Her.

Pupnick: Well.... I see. But, don't worry, Iggy. Your secret is safe with me too.

Igor: Thanks. Also, I should apologize for using that smelling salt to wake you.

Pupnick: It's okay. I had a feeling that you were destined to be with Bright Eyeballs. I only came to the pound to tell her that I'm engaged.

Igor: Well.... Engaged? To who?

(Bright Eyes is seen listening in from outside Igor's Puphouse.)

Pupnick: Well, When I came to the United States, I hoped to see another of my kind here.

Igor: Ooh, I see.

Pupnick: at first, I was shy as my heart still belonged to Bright Eyeballs. But some time later....

Igor: Yes?

Pupnick: A girl came to me and wanted romance, but I... kinda chickened out, since my heart still belonged to Bright Eyeballs.

Igor: Hmmm.... Maybe.... No, that would stupid of me to suggest.

Pupnick: What is it?

Igor: Well, If Your heart really belongs to Princess, Who am I to stop You? (Bright Eyes listens in.) I only want Her to be happy. Always.

Bright Eyes: Iggy... (Thinking) Iggy always had feelings for Me. He never harmed Me, He shares His feelings with Me...

Pupnick: ...I understand completely, Ignatius.

Igor: Thank you, Pumpernickel.

Bright Eyes: I might as well let Pupnick down gently. Sure, He's had a thing for Me, but Iggy said His heart belongs to Me.

(Bright Eyes knocks on Igor's door.)

Igor: Come in.

(Bright Eyes comes in.)

Bright Eyes: Iggy, Pupnick, I've made my decision.

(Pause.)

Bright Eyes: Pupnick, you're a great guy. I know you mean well, but... my heart belongs to Iggy.

Igor: Wha...?

Pupnick: I understand, Bright Eyeballs. Best of luck to you and Igor.

(Pupnick hugs Igor and Bright Eyes.)

Igor: Well, have a safe journey and I hope you find your soul mate in the future.

Pupnick: Thank you, Igor. Goodbye.

(Pupnick leaves.)

Trivia
This fan made episode marks the return of Pupnick.

Next Episode Preview
Nose Marie: I'm Cooler's girlfriend!

Violet: No! I'm Cooler's girlfriend!

Cooler: I love both Nose Marie and Violet, but I don't know which one should be my true girlfriend. I'm in a panic.

Nose Marie: Next time on the Pound Puppies Show...

Violet: Love's First Fight.

Nose Marie / Violet: Look forward to it! (They look at each other) Huh? Hmph! (They both look away.)

Cooler: Oh boy.