Whopper Ward Jones, Will You Please Grow Up?

Whopper Ward Jones, Will You Please Grow Up is a fan-made episode by Rigsrigsrigs10918, Kosh Naranek and Magic-is-cute.

Premise
Darius tries desperately to stop Whopper from making tall-tales.

Part One
(Gordon and Igor are seen looking over one of Gordon's comics. Darius enters with a frustrated look on his face.)

Darius: I cannot take it anymore!

Gordon: What is it, Darius?

Darius: Whopper and his stupid imaginations, that's the problem!

Igor: Now Darius, Whopper's young. He will outgrow his outlandish imaginations. so, be patient.

Gordon: Yeah. He can't help it. It's in his nature.

Darius: Why should I be patient? The best time for change is the present. Besides, it's time for him to grow up. His tall tales are getting on my nerves!

(Darius leaves the room.)

Gordon: Well, that was odd. I hope he doesn't try to change Whopper.

Igor: Agreed.

(Whopper enters the room.)

Whopper: Hey, Guys! How's everything?

Igor: Well, Darius is in a hothead mood.

Whopper: How so?

Gordon: He wants you to grow up.

Whopper: Why?

Igor: He is getting annoyed by your imaginations. However, we would rather have you grow out of it with age.

Whopper: Yeah. He can't tell me what to do.

(Meanwhile, Darius is talking to Holly and Cooler.)

Darius: And that's why you should give Whopper obedience lessons.

Holly: That's it?

Cooler: Whopper's not doing anything wrong. He just enjoying his youth. Just leave him alone.

Darius: (Thinking) Some help these two are. I got it! Colette will help me!

(At Colette's dog house...)

Darius: Well, since you're his sister, don't you think it's annoying when Whopper tells his stupid tall tales. Imagine what he will be like if he were an adult!

Colette: First, I don't help anyone who talks about my brother that way. Second, I like that he has such an active imagination. It's part of who he is. Besides, he could be a famous writer one day.

Darius: Or probably an immature man-pup.

Colette: That's crossing the line, Darius. get over it.

Darius: I will not. It's high time your little brother grows up with or without your help.

(Darius leaves the room and sits down on a chair.)

Darius: If Colette, Holly and Cooler won't help me, then who will?

(Darius sees Marcus bouncing Momo on his knee while talking to Rotwang.)

Darius: (Getting an idea) A-ha! (Singsongy) Oh, Marcus!

(Later....)

Darius: And that's why Whopper should take obedience lessons.

Marcus: Absolutely not. I don't want to make the same mistakes like last time.

(Momo nods in agreement.)

Marcus: See? Even Momo refuses to go into your scheme.

Darius: Grr... your loss!

(Darius leaves the room stomping.)

Momo: I think Darius is the one who needs lessons. Tolerance lessons, that is.

Marcus: Quite true. I have a feeling something bad will happen.

(Later...)

Darius: There must be a way to get Whopper to become mature. and since no one will support me-- A-ha! I'll look at Howler's laboratory.

(At Howler's lab, Darius looks around.)

Darius: There must be something in here.

(Darius hears someone coming and hides. Howler enters.)

Howler: All right. Time to clear out some of this junk.

(Howler starts collecting some old stuff and finds an old bottle.)

Howler: Hmm. My Mature Juice.

Darius(thinking): Mature Juice?

Howler: And to think I was gonna use this on Igor to make him stop pulling pranks and make him act more mature.

Darius(thinking): That's it! That's what I need!

Howler: But I guess there's no point to having this around anymore. Off to the dump for you.

(Howler drops the bottle in the box and takes it outside.)

Darius: (Thinking) No! I have to get that bottle!

(Howler puts the box outside.)

Howler: This should be a good place until the garbage truck comes.

(Howler leaves. Darius rushes over and grabs the bottle. He is then seen in Whopper's doghouse adding a few drops of the juice to Whopper's water bowl. Darius then hides outside.)

Darius: And now, I wait.

(Whopper comes in.)

Whopper: Time for some refreshment.

Darius(thinking): Yes, and it's also time for you to grow up.

(Whopper takes a drink.)

Darius(thinking): Yes! I've done it!

(Nothing happens.)

Whopper: Ah. That hit the spot.

Darius: (Thinking) What?! Why hasn't he matured?! That's impossible! (Darius checks the bottle.) "Meant for Igor Strayvinski". Darn it! Now, what to do?

(Darius thinks for a moment and gets an idea.)

Darius: (Thinking) Ah ha! I got it! It's time for me to teach Whopper how to grow up!

Part Two
(Darius is spying on Whopper.)

Darius: (Thinking) When the right time comes, I'll sneak him to my bedroom and give him a few lessons. Someone's gotta do it.

(Cooler goes by Darius.)

Cooler: Hey, Darius.

Darius: Yeah?

Cooler: Why are you spying on Whopper?

Darius: I... I'm not spying on Whopper.

Cooler: Are you sure about that?

Darius: Yes. Yes, I am.

Cooler: Okay....

(Cooler leaves but looks at Darius.)

Cooler: (Thinking) Something's off. Not off as in the searchlights are out of order. I better tell Iggy.

Darius: As soon as Whopper is alone, I'll make my move.

(That night, Whopper is getting ready to go to bed. Just then, he notices Darius standing in the doorway.)

Whopper: Mr. Darius? What are you doing in my doorway?

Darius: Whopper, it's high time that you enter my world. (Igor looks at Whopper's window and sees everything.) Welcome to the world of reality.

Whopper: What are you talking about?

Darius: What I mean is that the time has come for you to grow up!

(Darius goes to Whopper's closet as Igor hurriedly grabs his video camera recording the incident.)

Darius: And I'll start with this closet.

(Darius takes some of Whopper's costumes out of the closet and puts them in a garbage bag.)

Whopper: Hey! What are you doing?! Those are mine!

Darius: Not anymore! All these stupid costumes you keep wearing have got to go!

Igor: He's confiscating his costumes...?

(Darius then looks at some notebooks.)

Darius: And what are those?

Whopper: Those are my journals! I record my adventures on them.

Darius: Rubbish!

(Tosses the notebooks in the garbage bag.)

Igor: And insulting his fictional personality?

Darius: (Angrily) Complete... utter... idiotic... rubbish!

Whopper: They are not rubbish!

(Whopper tries to stop Darius, but Darius smacks Whopper's face, making Igor react shockingly as Whopper falls on his bottom.)

Darius: And you better keep your mouth shut about this. Otherwise, I will have no choice but enroll you to the Elias Q. Poundsville Obedience School.

(Whopper cringes at the name of the school.)

Darius: Understand?

(Whopper nods as Igor shuts off his camera and runs for it back to His Puphouse.)

Darius: Good.

(Inside Igor's Puphouse, Igor locks his door and windows and looks at the video.)

Igor: It's bad enough that Darius is forcing Whopper to adolescence, by taking away his belongings, but smacking him like that... I won't stand for it. I'll show it to Cooler tomorrow. but first...

(At Morning, Cooler comes toward Igor's Puphouse.)

Cooler: Hey, Iggy! How are--

Igor: Shh! Come inside. (Cooler comes in Igor's puphouse.) Cooler, This video will shock you.

Cooler: Well, I don't know if your next project will shock me physically--

Igor: This is serious, Cooler! (shows Cooler the video of Darius taking away Whopper's belongings and smacking Whopper.) It's bad enough to confiscate a puppy's precious belongings, but smacking him like that...

Cooler: He can't be serious! How could he do such a thing?! Ths should be reported. If Holly ever saw that, she'd scream!

Igor: Cooler, I have a better idea. show the video to Colette. She might set Darius straight. and if that doesn't work...

(Meanwhile, Darius is teaching Whopper the basics of normal behavior.)

Darius: Now, the first thing you have to do is to act mature. Now, when someone comes up with some nonsensical tale about moonmen and what not, what would you say?

Whopper: ....

Darius: Look, Whopper, do you want to end up as... a man-pup?

Whopper: A man-pup? What's that?

Darius: A man-pup is like a manchild. He usually plays Manic the Warthog video games, watches cartoons about colorful horses and acts like an immature brat in public.

Whopper: And if I were to be a man-pup?

Darius: You would be labeled as a freak of nature for the rest of your life.

Whopper: (Crying) But I don't wanna become a man-pup!

Darius: Settle down, Whopper. With my advice, you will be viewed as an uninfected, intelligent, normal puppy.

(Meanwhile, at Colette's house...)

Colette: What's up, Igor?

Igor: Well, Colette, It pains me to show it to you, but remember how Darius wanted to force-feed Whopper maturity?

Colette: Yes.

Igor: Well... (shows Colette the video of Darius' blatant cruelty on Whopper.)

Colette: (Enraged) I'm gonna kick his tailbone! (Storms out of the house and reaches Darius' Puphouse.) Darius! (Bangs on the door.) Darius! Open the door this second!

(Darius hears Colette.)

Darius: Quick, Whopper, hide! Or I'll send you to the obedience school, Tout suite!

(Whopper hides under the bed. Colette kicks down the door and grabs Darius by his shirt.)

Colette: I'm gonna kill you for the way you treated my little brother!

Darius: Huh?

Colette: Don't "Huh" ee, Darius! I heard you still won't let up on forcing Whopper to grow up. It's bad enough that You took away his belongings, but the second you smacked Whopper...

Darius: But I...

(Colette kicks Darius in the stomach, knocking him down.)

Colette: But, nothing, Darius! Only mom and dad can say whether he must grow up or not. friends and acquaintances don't apply. Now, return Whopper's belongings!

Darius: Grr... (Thinking) I don't know how Whopper told her sister, but if I must take Whopper to his adolescent phase, so be it. (Aloud) Listen, Colette, I'm doing your brother a favor.

Colette: How? by denying Him His right to enjoy His childhood a little more?

Darius: No, by making sure he doesn't act like a blithering idiot when he grows up!

Colette: Just because he tells tall tales, doesn't mean He's idiotic. (Whopper's eye is seen from under Darius' bed.)

Darius: That's what they say and look what happened to the last guy who became a man-pup! He's obsessed over Manic the Warthog video games and got arrested for robbery three times!

Colette: When was that?!

Darius: Five weeks ago! Didn't you pay attention to the news?!

Colette: Don't believe everything you hear, Darius. Whopper? It's time to go.

(Whopper comes to Colette and sheds tears as He hugs her.)

Whopper: (Crying) I'm sorry, big sister...

Colette: What have you done with him, Darius?

Darius: For failing to hide when I told you, you're going to that Obedience School--

Colette: I said, what have you done with him?!

(Cooler and Igor come and see Colette trying to stop Darius.)

Colette: Answer me, you son of a...!

Darius: Don't interrupt me, Colette. (To Whopper) I'm enrolling you to the Elias Q. Poundsville Obedience School immediately.

(Darius tries to leave...)

Colette: Just like You, a Stupid Devil Dog meddling with a puppy's future, not caring if it will cause chaos.

Darius: What did you say...?

Colette: You heard me.

Igor: Cooler, I've heard of that Obedience School. It costs too much money, and the teachers there are strict. very strict. I'll bet Darius doesn't have enough money to enroll Whopper. If He succeeds, Whopper's spirit will be broken beyond repair, and the Pound will be wiped out by bankruptcy.

Cooler: (Shudders) The Elias Q. Poundsville Obedience School. That name alone gives me the chilly-willies. Igor, it looks we have one last option.

Igor: and what's that?

Cooler: I know it's unnecessary, but we're going to have to use a scare tactic.

Igor: I still got video-tape evidence. I was gonna show it to Holly, in case Darius still refused to relent.

Cooler: What I mean is that we can hold up a fake trial, make it look real, and go along with it until Darius apologizes.)

Igor: I'm not sure. Since I'm Darius' Descendant, I'll talk some sense into Him. I also have a back-up plan.

Cooler: Well, Ok. if You say so.

Darius: Come on. Off to obedience school for you. (drags Whopper away.)

Whopper: Colette! Help Me!

Igor: Hey! Darius!

Darius: What is it, Iggy?

Igor: Don't Iggy Me, Darius! I heard You're taking him to that Obedience School.

Darius: Exactly.

Igor: Darius, You don't decide if Whopper goes to Obedience School or not. Only His parents can decide. and You'll give up Your intentions to force Whopper to grow up, You got that? besides, You don't have enough money.

Darius: Don't try and stop me.

Igor: Listen to reason, Darius! forcing Whopper into adolescence won't shed away His usual personality.

(Darius pulls out his card deck as he holds Whopper with one arm and heads to a nearby car.)

Darius: And don't try to follow me if you know what's good for you!

Igor: Don't worry, Cooler. like I said, I have a back-up plan. (Inhales and screams) Darius is the biggest Coward in the Pound!

Darius: What?! (stops and pounces Igor.) Why you little cockroach! Take that back!

Igor: I will not until You give up on Your pointless quest of forcing Whopper to go to that Accursed Obedience School. The pound doesn't have enough money to enroll Him, anyway! (Tears drop down Darius' face.)

Darius: (Tearing up) You have no idea about what I went through as a pup... do you?

Igor: Still, You have no right to take away Whopper's Childhood. (sheds tears) He should enjoy it to His heart's content. He'll become mature when the time comes, at its own pace.

Darius: It won't matter! You should thank Me for doing this--

(Igor claws Darius in the face. Darius, in retaliation, punches Iggy in anger.)

Colette: Iggy just...

Igor: (Rubbing his face) Open your eyes, Darius! Even if Whopper is taken to the obedience School, It's no guarantee that Whopper will shed away His tall-tale-telling.

Whopper: Hey...

Igor: But... (starts to shed tears.) But, that doesn't mean You should use force to get what You want!

Darius: Fine! Let that brat grow up to be a man-pup! I sure hate to see him in the headlines one day for stealing Manic the Warthog toys-

Igor: Darius...

(Darius goes to his house and slams the door)

Whopper: Iggy, I want to thank You for stopping Darius.

Igor: You're welcome, Whop. but I don't think Darius is going to listen. and worse, I clawed Him.

Part Three
(Darius is resting on his bed looking up.)

Igor's Voice: Listen to reason, Darius! Putting Whopper in an obedience school, won't shed away his playful personality.

Darius: What does he know? He doesn't care about what I went through.... no one does...

(Tears fall from Darius' eyes.)

Darius: I never had any fun as a child. I had to grow up... I was forces to grow up.

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