Riddler's Race

Riddler's Race is a fan-made episode written by Rigsrigsrigs10918, CartoonLover and Magic-is-cute.

Premise
Whopper and Igor try to figure out the meaning of the riddle "Something is Nothing, Nothing is Something" with Cooler's help.

Part One
(At the park, Holly and the Pound Puppies are enjoying themselves. Igor is watching something on his portable TV, called Earth's Stupidest Riddles. He then scratches his ear with his foot as he yawns.)

Igor: (Yawning) Man, this guy makes very terrible jokes. I mean, his jokes are so bad, it makes me want to vomit on a pile of garbage.

Announcer's Voice: If violence is a strong word, the word would have muscles. (Audience boos.) The only thing hip about magic would be hypnosis. (Audience boos.) Ah, give it a rest, will you?

Igor: Nope! (Turns off his TV with his foot and wiggles his toe.) I can tell better jokes than that talentless jerk.

(Cooler walks over to Igor.)

Cooler: Yo, Iggy.

Igor: (Noticing Cooler) Hey, Coolidge. How are things?

Cooler: I got a stomach rub from Holly. You know Holly, she always gives the best belly rubs in all of Poundsville.

Igor: Well, I just heard some of the lamest jokes ever written.

Cooler: Let me guess.... (In a stupid voice) "If violence was a strong word, the word would have muscles"  (normal voice) and (in a stupid voice) "The only thing hip about magic would be hypnosis".

Igor: Yep. You guessed correctly, Coolidge. I mean, I wouldn't be surprised if he was the one who wrote the stupid jokes from the Super Magic Siblings Ultra Show!

Cooler: Well, technically, he was.

Igor: Ooh. I see.

Cooler: Yep.

(Whopper enters.)

Whopper: Hi, Iggy!

Igor: Ah! Whammy! How's everything today?

(Whopper cartoonishly reacts and falls backwards but gets up.)

Whopper: That's Whopper! Whopper!

Igor: Okay. I'm sorry.

Whopper: Iggy, can you help me?

Igor: What is it, Whammy?

Whopper: I found a piece of paper and it says "Something is Nothing, Nothing is Something". What does it mean?

Igor: I don't know. It must be some kind of riddle.

Whopper: A riddle?

Igor: Yeah. It's like of... like a joke that makes you think.

Whopper: Oh. Can you help out with this riddle please?

Igor: Oh, I've tried that riddle before. I'm still getting nowhere.

Whopper: Well, maybe we can work together and find out.

Igor: Well, I guess you're right. Say, you wanna hear a silly riddle?

Whopper: Sure.

Igor: OK. Who can jump higher than a mountain?

(Whopper thinks for a moment.)

Whopper: I give up.

Igor: Anyone. Because mountains can't jump.

(Whopper laughs as the comedic drum and cymbal are heard. Whopper gets startled by the noise.)

Whopper: Good one, Iggy. Say, did you hear something?

Igor: Don't worry. That's just a cartoon sound effect.

Whopper: Oh. Anyway, let's guess that other riddle. "Nothing is Something, Something is Nothing." Maybe it must be something empty, like a brief case or a can of soda.

Igor: Perhaps, something hollow like a cavern?

Whopper: Or maybe it could be something deserted like an old mansion or an abandoned factory. Don't you think so, Iggy?

Igor: Well, let's go find out.

Whopper: Yeah.

Cooler: Say, Iggy, you mind if I watch my favorite show on your TV, do you?

Igor: Go right ahead, Coolidge.

(Cooler turns the TV on and relaxes.)

Cooler: Ah, my favorite show, Hitched with Kids.

(Nose Marie enters.)

Nose Marie: Hello, Cooler honey.

Igor: Natalie? You're gonna watch Hitched with Kids as well?

Nose Marie: Why not? I love spend my time with Cooler.

(Nose Marie sits next to Cooler and snuggles by him. Cooler then yawns as he stretches.)

Nose Marie: Today's weather is going to be warm, Cooler honey.

Cooler: So I've heard.

Igor: Come on, Whammy. Let's go solve that riddle.

Whopper: Okay.

(Later, Igor and Whopper are looking around the park.)

Whopper: Well, we looked all throughout the park, but we didn't find the item that fits the riddle.

Igor: Hmmm... maybe Howler can help us.

Whopper: Yeah, let's ask him.

(Howler is seen making a blueprint while singing.)

Howler: (Singing) And brass will crash and the trumpets bray and they'll cut a dash on their wedding day...

Igor: Howitzer?

Howler: Yes?

Igor: Can you help us?

Howler: Sure. What do you need help with?

Whopper: Can you help us solve a riddle?

Howler: Sure. What's the riddle?

Igor: Something is nothing, nothing is something.

Howler: Come again?

Whopper: Something is nothing, nothing is something.

Howler: I'm sorry?

Igor: That's the riddle Whammy and I are trying to solve.

Howler: Aroo! That sounds like a toughie. I'm sorry, guys, but you'll have to find someone else to help you solve that riddle.

Igor: Oh. Thanks anyway, Howitzer.

Howler: It's Howler.

Whopper: What do we do now, Iggy?

Igor: I guess we're on our own.

Whopper: Maybe we should go to the library. We can find our answer in some kind of encyclopedia or something.

Igor: Good idea, Whammy.

(Igor and Whopper are outside the library.)

Igor: Well, this is the place.

Whopper: Hopefully,we can find some answers.

Igor: Yes.

(The two enter the library.)

Librarian: Well, this is the first I have seen a couple friends of Holly and Cooler to be here. You two must be from Holly's Puppy Pound, am I right?

Igor: Yes, yes we are.

Librarian: Well, we usually don't allow dogs in the library, but since you are from Holly's Puppy Pound, I'll make an exception. As long as you stay quiet because there is a class here studying.

Igor: Okay.

(Igor and Whopper tiptoe.)

Librarian: I don't mean you have to tiptoe.

Igor and Whopper: (Quietly) Oh.

(The two walk toward an encyclopedia.)

Igor: (Whispering) There it is.

Whopper: (Whispering) Gimme a boost, Ham and Iggs.

(Igor lifts Whopper and Whopper grabs the encyclopedia.)

Whopper: (Whispering) I got it.

Igor: (Whispering) Extravagant! Now we'll find the answer.

(Whopper and Igor put the book down on the table and open it.)

Igor: (Whispering) Let's see if we can solve the riddle.

Whopper: Okay.

(Igor and Whopper look through the encyclopedia.)

Igor: Hmm... not in here.

Whopper: Maybe we'll look in the dictionary.

Igor: No. I don't think dictionaries contain riddles.

Whopper: Oh. I guess we'll have to look somewhere else.

Igor: Yeah.

Part Two
(Igor and Whopper are seen outside the library.)

Igor: Well, so much for that.

Whopper: What should we do know?

Igor: Let me think for a moment.

(Igor scratches his ear with his foot.)

Igor: I know! Let's go ask Cooler.

Whopper: Good idea. If he can sing about where puppies come from, then I am sure he'll sing about the riddle.

Igor: Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go!

(Igor and Whopper go back to the park, where Cooler is seen taking a nap.)

Igor: Cooler?

(Cooler yawns and wakes up.)

Cooler: (Sleepy) Oh, hey, Whopper. Hey, Iggy. (Stretches) So, how is your riddle adventure going?

Igor: We didn't find anything at the library.

Cooler: Oh.

Whopper: Do you know where else we can find the answer?

Cooler: Hmmm... Let me think. Nothing is something... something is nothing... (singing) This is a riddle with a clue. I have no idea, how about you?

Igor: (Singing) Riddles are history and a mystery.

Whopper: (Singing) We like to know the answer.

Cooler:  (Singing) Something... nothing... nothing... something...

Igor: (Singing) That's the riddle we can't understand. But we'll find the answer if we can.

Cooler: Well... that was... interesting.

Igor: Can you give us any hints?

Cooler: Hmmm... Well... Maybe I can join you.

Igor: That sounds extravagant!

Whopper: Yeah!

Cooler: Well, what are we waiting for? Let's start pounding!

(The trio look around the park.)

Cooler: Hmmm... Where can we find the answer?

Igor: Let's look somewhere else.

Cooler: Okay.

(The trio is seen wandering through the downtown area.)

Igor: Any luck, Coolidge?

Cooler: Nope. No sign of our answer.

Igor: How about you, Whammy?

Whopper: Nope. No luck.

Igor: We're getting nowhere fast. As a matter of fact, I think we should improvise.

Cooler: Improvise? What do you mean?

Igor: Apparently, the writers are running out of ideas. I mean seriously! Us going around town finding an answer to a silly riddle? What's up with that?

Whopper: I know. So... what do we do now?

Cooler: How about if we take a break while we wait for what happens next in this episode?

Igor: Okay, Coolidge.

(Whopper suddenly gets an idea.)

Whopper: Hey! I know! Let's head on down to the observatory. Maybe we can find the answer our riddle.

Cooler: Good idea.

​Part Three
(Whopper, Igor and Cooler are at the observatory.)

Whopper: Now let's see if we can find the answer.

Igor: Okay, Whammy.

(Whopper looks in the telescope.)

Whopper: Hmmm...

Igor: Any luck?

Whopper: Hold on, Iggy.

(Whopper sees something.)

Whopper: Hey!

Igor and Cooler: What?!

Whopper: Look what I found!

Igor: What is it?

(Igor and Cooler look in the telescope.)

Cooler: Whoa! It's a constellation!

Igor: What does it say?!

Whopper: Hold on, guys! Hold on!

(Whopper looks in the telescope.)

Whopper: It says....

(Whopper mumbles gibberish.)

Igor: It says....?

(Igor mumbles gibberish.)

Cooler: Okay, you two aren't making any sense.

Whopper: Well, we can't make out what it's saying.

Igor: Wait! I think I see a letter in the constellation. It says "S".

Cooler: Another clue!

(Cooler writes down the clue.)

Whopper: Wait a minute! There's another constellation!

Igor: Let me take a look.

(Igor looks into the telescope.)

Igor: Oh! Another clue!

Cooler: What does it say?

Igor: Hmmm... "Outer space, you blithering idiots"... Huh?

Cooler: Ooh, looks like we found the answer.

Beamer's Voice: All right, that does it! I'm stopping this episode!

(Beamer enters.)

Cooler: Beamer? What are you doing?

Beamer: Cooler, I can't take it anymore. You guys spend the entire episode searching for an answer to a dumb riddle. It seems to me that the writers ran out of ideas.

Cooler: That's what I said earlier.

Beamer: Yeah. Let's go see them right now.

(The quartet go to the writer's office.)

Cooler: Can't they at least come up with an episode that makes sense?

Beamer: Yeah. It just isn't fair.

(As they open the door, the writer is seen struggling at the script.)

Writer: Ummm... no, that won't do. Let me see....

Cooler: Excuse me.

(The writer turns to Cooler and the others.)

Writer: Oh, hey, Cooler.

Cooler: We wanna talk to you.

Writer: All right.

Cooler: You see, Mr. Writer,  we think that the episode is getting us no place fast.

Igor: Yeah, an entire half hour of us doing nothing but searching for a riddle? That doesn't make sense to me.

Writer: You're right. I've got to figure out a better idea for a new episode of your show.

(The writer starts thinking until he gets an idea)

Writer: I've got it!

(The writer starts typing on his computer)

Writer:  Wait until you guys see next week's episode. You'll love it.

(Later, Cooler, Igor, Whopper, and Beamer are looking at a script)

Cooler: Whoa! This looks good.

Igor: Yeah.

Whopper: We'll take it.

(Later, the group is walking home)

Cooler: Well, looks like we've got ourselves a better episode.

Whopper: Should we tell the audience about it?

Igor: Nah.

The End

Next Episode Preview
Igor: Looks like Poundsville is going to experience a whole new ballgame....

Bright Eyes: But there's a new twist to the game. This time, we'll be using ketchup and mustard to dip the baseballs in.

Igor: Huh?

Both: Next week on the New Adventures of the Pound Puppies, Hotdog Baseball!