A Meowing Minstrel I Part 1

A Meowing Minstrel I Part 1 is a fan-made crossover written by Rigsrigsrigs10918 and Disneydude15.

Premise
The Pound Puppies and Friends, along with the Tiny Toons, do their own rendition of Gilbert and Sullivan's masterpiece, the Mikado, starring Furrball as Nanki Poo, Fifi La Fume as Yum Yum, Catgut as Koko, and the cast of dozens.

Part One
(Open to a stage with the curtains closed. Calamity, dressed in a tuxedo, walks onto the stage as the unseen audience applauds. Calamity bows to the audience and then opens his music book, pulls out his baton, and starts conducting the orchestra as the curtains open. As the overture begins, Cooler, who is playing Koko's Attendant, enters the stage to introduce the story.)

Cooler: Hello, everyone. I'm Tick Tock, an attendant of Koko. Although I didn't get involved much in this story, I will provide the narration for you all. You see, it all began in the 18th century in the town of Titipu, Japan, where the citizens are enjoying their everyday lives. Of course, there has recently been a law that has been passed. The law is that no flirting is allowed and whoever flirts will be put to death by decapitation. Among the villagers of Titipu are Nanki Poo, a wandering musician and Yum Yum, who is the ward of my master, Koko. But, enough from me for now. You'll know more about Nanki Poo and Yum Yum as the story progresses....

(Cooler leaves as the overture continues. Eventually, the overture ends and the male members of the ensemble, joined by Buster, Darius and Cooler, enter as they start to sing the first song.)

Men: (Singing) If you want to know who we are, we are gentlemen of Japan. On many of vase and jar! On many of screen and fan! We figure in lively paint, our attitudes very quaint. You're wrong if you it ain't. Oh!

(The smaller members stand in front of the taller members.)

Men: (Singing) If you think that we move like strings...

(The smaller members move like puppets as the taller members pantomime as if they're controlling them.)

Men: (Singing) Like a Japanese marionette. You don't understand these things.

(They take out their fans.)

Men:  (Singing) It is simply court etiquette.

(They all bow to each other.)

Men: (Singing) Perhaps you'd suppose to throng has lasted all day that. If that's your idea, you're wrong. Oh! Oh! If that's your idea, you're wrong! If you want to know who we are, we are gentlemen of Japan. Of vase and jar and screen and fan and many, many, many, many, many a jar. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

(They do various poses.)

Men: (Singing) On vase and jar and screen and fan!

(The song ends as they go back to their business. Furrball, playing Nanki Poo, enters and approaches Buster and Darius.)

Furrball: Gentlemen, I pray you tell me where a gentle maiden dwelleth named Yum Yum?

(Buster and Darius look at each other.)

Furrball:  The ward of Ko Ko?

(They shrug.)

Furrball: In pity speak, oh speak, I pray you!

Darius: Why, who are you who asked this question?

(Furrball gets out his shamisen.)

Furrball: Come gather around me and I'll tell you.

(Furrball starts to play his shamisen as the men gather around him.)

Furrball: (Singing) A wandering minstrel I, a thing of shreds and patches, of ballads, songs and snatches, and dreamy lullabies! My catalog is long through every passing ranging, and to your humors changing, I tune my supple song. I tune my supple song.

(All sit down.)

Furrball: (Singing) Are you in sentimental mood? I'll sigh with you. Oh, sorrow! On maiden's coldness do you brood? I do so too! Oh, sorrow, sorrow!

(Furrball begins to march.)

Furrball: (Singing) But if patriotic sentiment is wanted, I've patriotic ballads cut and dried. For whenever our country's banner may be planted, all other local banners have defied!

(Gamma, playing as Tisk Tisk, and some more men enter as they march along with Furrball.)

Furrball: (Singing) Our warriors, in serried ranks assemble, never quailed, or they conceal it if they do. And I wouldn't be surprised if nations tremble before the mighty troops of Titipu!

(Everyone else marches with Furrball.)

Men: (Singing) We shouldn't be surprised if nations trembled, trembled with alarm, before the mighty troops of Titipu!

(Everyone stops marching.)

Furrball: (Singing) A wandering minstrel I, a string of shreds and patches, of ballads, songs and snatches and dreamy lullaby.

Men: (Singing) And dreamy lullaby...

All: (Singing) Lullaby!

(The song ends as Gamma and his guards leave. Buster and Darius approach Furrball.)

Darius: And what may be your business with Yum Yum?

Furrball: I'll tell you. Last year, I was a member of the Titipu Town Band. While playing one of my songs, I saw Yum Yum. We love each other in a flash, but Yum Yum told me that she is engaged to Ko Ko... (annoyed) that cheap ex-tailor. (Normally) Overwhelmed with despair, I left Titipu. When I overheard that Ko Ko was sentenced to death for flirting, I returned here to claim my love for Yum Yum once more.

Buster: It's true that Ko Ko was sentenced to death for flirting. But...

Furrball: But what?

Buster: He was reprieved at the last moment and promoted to the exalted rank of Lord High Executioner under the following remarkable circumstances.

(The next song begins as Buster and Darius dance around Furrball.)

Buster: (Singing) Our great Mikado, virtuous man, when he to rule our land began, resolved and try a plan whereby young men might best be steadied. So he decreed in words succinct, to those who flirted, leered or winked, unless connubialiant linked, should forward be beheaded! Beheaded! Beheaded, should forward he beheaded!

(Furrball is shocked as Darius and Buster dance around.)

Buster: And I expect, you'll all agree, that he was right to so decree. And I am right, and you are right, and all is right as right can be.

Darius and Men: And you are right, and we are right, and all is right as right as right can be.

All(Except Furrball): Right as right can be!

(Furrball sits down as Buster and Darius by him on each side.)

Buster: (Singing) This stern decree, you'll understand, caused great dismay throughout the land, for young and old and shy and bold were equally affected. The youth who winked a roving eye....

(Darius winks.)

Buster: (Singing) Or breathe a nonconnubial sigh...

(Darius sighs.)

Buster: (Singing) Was thereupon condemned to die.

(Darius makes a throat-slash gesture.)

Buster: (Singing) He usually objected, objected, objected! He usually objected!

(Furrball cringes as Buster and Darius dance again.)

Buster: (Singing) And you'll allow, as I expect, that he was right to so object. And I am right, and you are right, and everything is quite correct!

Darius and Men: (Singing) And you are right, and we are right, and everything is quite is quite correct.

All(Except Furrball): (Singing) All is quite correct!

(Everyone else gathers around Furrball as Marcus, playing Pooh Bah, enters.)

Buster: (Singing) And so we straight let out on bail, a convict from the county jail, whose head was next on some pretext condemned to be moaned off, and made him headsman for we said "Who's next to be decapitated?" cannot cut off another's head until he's cut his own off, his own off, his own off, until he's cut his own off!

(Buster and Darius dance once more.)

Buster: (Singing) And we are right, I think you'll say, to argue in this kind of way. And I am right, and you are right, and all is right...

All(Except Furrball and Marcus): And all is right!

(All except Cooler, Furrball, Marcus, Buster, and Darius leave.)

Furrball: Ko Ko, the cheap tailor, Lord High Executioner of Titipu?! That's the highest rank a citizen can attain!

Marcus: It is.

(Furrball notices Marcus as Cooler, Buster and Darius turn around and bow to Marcus.)

Cooler: (To the audience) That guy over there is Pooh Bah. He's the Lord High Everything Else. You might say that he's the Japanese Jack of all Trades. He's also a haughty individual, in which he prefers his family pride over humiliation. He's got every job you can imagine: First Lord Treasury, Chief Justice, Lord Mayor, you name it.

Marcus: And at a salary. I, Pooh Bah, a salaried minion, paid for his services!

Furrball: And it does you credit.

Marcus: And not only do I attend at the parties of Titipu's suburbanites, I also hold state secrets. Now, suppose, for example, you want to know more about Yum Yum, you have to... (clears his throat) pay a small fee.

(Buster, Darius and Cooler gesture to Marcus and Furrball gives Marcus a few coins.)

Marcus: Another insult...

(Marcus looks carefully at the coin and bites it. The coin is real.)

Marcus: And I think a light one.

(Marcus pulls out his fan as the next song begins.)

Marcus: (Singing) Young man despair. Likewise, go to. Yum Yum the fair, you must not woo. It will not do, I'm sorry for you. You very imperfect ablutioner.

(Marcus and Furrball look both ways.)

Marcus: (Singing) This very day of school, Yum Yum...

(All five look both ways.)

Marcus: (Singing) Will wed her ways and homeward come. With beat of drum and a rum tum tum, to wed the Lord High Executioner.

(Marcus spins around.)

Marcus: (Singing) And the brass will crash, and the trumpets bray, and they'll cut a dash on their wedding day. She'll toddle away as all of her with the Lord High Executioner.

Furrball, Cooler, Buster, and Darius: (Singing) And the brass will crash, and the trumpets bray, and they'll cut a dash on their wedding day.

All: (Singing) She'll toddle away as all of her with the Lord High Executioner!

(All bow to each other.)

Marcus: (Singing) It's a hopeless case, as you may see. And in your place, away I'd flee. But don't blame me, I'm sorry to be of your pleasure a dimionlusioner.

(All look both ways.)

Marcus: (Singing) They'll vow their pact extremely soon.

(They look both ways again.)

Marcus: (Singing) In point of fact, this afternoon. Her honeymoon with that buffoon st seven commences, so you shun her!

(Marcus spins around.)

Marcus: (Singing) And the brass will crash, and the trumpets bray, and they'll cut a dash on their wedding day. She'll toddle away as all of her with the Lord High Executioner.

Furrball, Cooler, Buster, and Darius: (Singing) And the brass will crash, and the trumpets bray, and they'll cut a dash on their wedding day.

All: (Singing) She'll toddle away as all of her with the Lord High Executioner!

(All bow to each other as the song ends and Cooler leaves.)

Furrball And I have journeyed for a month or yearly to learn that Yum Yum, whom I love so dearly. This state to Ko-Ko is to be united.

(Marcus, Buster and Darius comfort Furrball.)

Marcus: The fact appears to be as you recited.

(All four hear a trumpet play and turn.)

Marcus: But here he comes. Equipped, as suit his station. He'll give you any further information.

(All four leave)

Part Two
(The male ensemble, lead by Gamma, Darius and Buster enter as the next song begins.)

Men: (Singing) Behold the Lord High Executioner! A personage of noble rank and title. A dignified and potent officer whose functions are particularly vital! Defer, defer to the Lord High Executioner! Defer, defer to the noble lord, to the noble lord, to the Lord High Executioner!

(Catgut, playing Koko, and Cooler enter.)

Catgut: (Singing) Taken from the county jail, by a set of curious chances. Liberated then on bail, on my own recognizances. Wafted by a favoring gale, as one sometimes is in trances. To a height that few can scale, saved by long weary dances. Surely never had a male, under such like circumstances, so adventurous a tale which may rank with most romances. (Starts dancing) Taken from the county jail....

Men: (Singing) Taken from the county jail....

Catgut: (Singing) By a set of curious chances....

Men: (Singing) Liberated then on bail....

All: (Singing) Surely never had a male, so adventurous a tale!

(Song ends as Catgut stops dancing, takes out his glasss and puts them on.)

Catgut: Gentlemen, I'm much delighted by this reception....

(Everyone else becomes distracted, but Catgut doesn't notice.)

Catgut: If I am ever called upon to act professionally, I am happy to say that there'll be no problems in find plenty of people....

(Catgut notices that no one is paying attention to him. Angrily, Catgut stomps his foot to get everyone's attention.)

Catgut: Whose loss will be a distinct gain to society at large.

(Cooler hands Catgut a scroll as the next song begins.)

Catgut: (Singing) As someday it may happen that a victim must be found, I've got a little list. I've got a little list, (open the scroll, which becomes very long) of society offenders who might well be underground and who never will be missed, who never will be missed. There's the pestilencial nuisances who wrote for autographs, all people who have flabby hands and irritating laughs, the morons who talk on their phones and spoil the film for you, the dolt who thinks Yakima is a town near Titipu, and that person who can't take a joke but I think you got the gist. They none of them be missed, they none of them be missed.

Everyone else: (Singing) He's got them on the list, he's got them on the list and they'll none of them be missed, they'll none of them be missed.

Catgut: (Singing) There's the pop song serenader and the others of his race and the auto-tuned artist, I've got him on the list! The people who eat garlic and then puff them in your face, they none of them be missed, they none of them be missed. Then, the idiot who praises with enthusiastic tone all baseball teams but his and every country but his own, fanboys of certain TV shows who cry and shout like goats while shoving their opinions and poor grammar down your throats, and that singular anomaly, the TV therapist, I don't think he'd be missed. I'm sure he'll not be missed!

Everyone else: (Singing) He's got him on the list, he's got him on the list and we don't think he'll be missed. We're sure he won't be missed!

Catgut: (Singing) And corporate fat cats who are greedy, lying jerks and the online scam artists, I've got them on the list! The Hollywood director who thinks bad movies will work, I wish he would desist, they none of them be missed. And apologetic statements of the nonsensical kind such as "What you call them, thing-a-ma-bob, and likewise, never mind". But most ridiculous person you've ever seen alive....

(Short pause as everyone else looks at Catgut, confused.)

Catgut: (Singing while pointing to himself) The guy who sings about his list since 1885.

Everyone else: (Realizing) Oh!

Catgut: (Singing) So it really doesn't matter whom you've put upon the list, for they none of them be missed. They none of them be missed!

Everyone else: (Singing while Catgut rolls up the scroll) You may put them on the list, you may put them on the list and they'll none of them be missed, they'll none of them be missed!

(Catgut hands Cooler the scroll and all except Catgut leave. Marcus enters.)

Catgut: Ah, Pooh Bah! It seems that the festivities will be taking place soon.

Marcus: Indeed. As your Lord High Everything Else, it is my degrading duty to give you advice about Titipu's financial situations, the laws being passed, the number of criminals that are in jail for their various crimes, keeping justice in the city, in charge of marriages, and governing the city.

Catgut: Indeed it is. And do I not give you the usual pay for fulfilling these duties?

Marcus: Along with the salary attach to them, you certainly do.

(Nose Marie, playing See Saw, enters.)

Catgut: Ah, See Saw, what is it?

Nose Marie: Lord Ko Ko, your bride-to-be and her two friends will be arriving shortly.

Catgut: My bride-to-be is coming?! Oh, matrimony!

(Catgut, Nose Marie and Marcus leave. A chorus of women, playing the maidens, enter as the next song begins. Fifi La Fume Babs Bunny and Elaine, carrying umbrellas, enter.)

Fifi, Babs and Elaine: (Singing) Three little girls from school are we, pert as school girl well can be, filled to the brim with girlish glee, three little maid's from school.

Fifi: (Singing) Everything is a sort of fun.

(All three giggle.)

Babs: (Singing) Nobody's safe, for we care about none.

(They giggle again.)

Elaine: (Singing) Life is a joke that has just begun.

(They giggle once more.)

All three: (Singing) Three little maids from school...

(All three pull out their umbrellas and start twirling.)

All three: (Singing) Three little maids who all unwary come from a ladies' seminary freed from a genius tutelary... three little maids from school... Three little maids from school!

(All three dance around.)

Fifi: (Singing) One little maid is a bride, Yum Yum...

Babs: (Singing) Two little maids in attendance come...

Elaine: (Singing) Three little maids is the total sum.

All three: (Singing) Three little maids from  school.

Fifi: (Singing) From three little maids take one away...

Babs: (Singing) Two little maids remain and they...

Elaine: (Singing) Won't have to wait very long, they say!

All three: (Singing) Three little maids from school...

Chorus of Women: (Singing) Three little maids from school...

All: (Singing) Three little maids who all unwary come from a ladies' seminary freed from a genius tutelary... three little maids from school... Three little maids from school!

(Song ends as Fifi, Babs and Elaine make girlish poses and wink. Catgut, Marcus and Nose Marie enter.)

Catgut: Ah, there she is! My bride-to-be!

Fifi: You're not going to kiss me, are you?

Catgut: Well... that was the idea....

(Fifi, Babs and Elaine whisper to each other.)

Fifi: (Half-heartedly) Well, all right.

(Catgut tries to kiss Fifi with his eyes close, but Fifi holds her tail to block her face and Catgut kisses the tail instead.)

Fifi: Good thing that's over.

(Furrball, Buster, Darius, and Cooler enter. Fifi, Babs and Elaine rush up to Furrball to greet him. As Fifi, Babs and Elaine jump up and down with happiness, Catgut looks at Cooler.)

Catgut: I beg your pardon, but who's that with you?

Fifi: This is the gentlemen who played on the... on the....

Babs: On the marine parade.

Fifi: Oh, yes, that.

Trivia
The cast in this fan-made crossover are Furrball as Nanki Poo, Fifi La Fume as Yum Yum, Catgut as Ko Ko, Marcus as Pooh Bah, Cary as the Mikado, Buster Bunny as Pish Tush, Darius as Go-to, Babs Bunny as Pitti Sing, Elaine as Peep Bo, and Michelle as as Katisha. The newly introduced roles for this crossover as Celia as Sen Sen the Mikado's Wife, Gamma as Tisk Tisk the Captain of the Guards, Nose Marie as See Saw the Chief Maiden, Cooler as Ko Ko's Attendant, Cleopatra as Go To's Wife, Dumbo as Dumb Dumb the village fool, Calamity Coyote as the Conductor, Precious as Sung Sing and Bright Eyes as Song Sing the Flower Girls.